Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

I listened to an old Desert Island Discs the other day - Kirsty Young was talking to Johnny Vegas back in 2010. He'll be the first to tell you he's been through the wringer - not for nothing does he talk about Johnny in the third person; the character he invented for himself after realising he couldn't earn a living mending teapots turned on him and, very nearly, destroyed him.

He chose this beautifully tragic Colin Hay song as one of his treasured eight discs. And who hasn't experienced the same sentiment at some point in their life?

Colin Hay - Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

Carr trouble

I have trouble with Jimmy Carr; I think a lot of people do. For every gag that has you choking on your false teeth, there'll be another hot on its heels that will make you feel uncomfortable; you'll laugh, but you'll still be uncomfortable. And for a comic who openly admits that, with the exception of the Hillsborough disaster, everything else is fair game, then you're never far away from a joke that some a lot of people are going to find offensive. But, hey, you know that when you step over the threshold.

His appearance last week on Desert Island Discs was very revealing. Give it a listen and you may come away with different feelings towards the fella; I know I did. The way he spoke about his mother, dyslexia, Catholicism, depression and not losing his virginity until he was twenty-six was very honest and at times very touching. And when he chose 'I Will Follow You into the Dark' by Death Cab for Cutie as the record he'd save from the waves, I was practically reaching for the fan club application forms.

Death Cab for Cutie: I Will Follow You into the Dark

Till the wheels come off

Guy Garvey made me laugh on Desert Island Discs the other day. After painstakingly choosing eight favourite records he was asked what luxury item he would like to take to the island. Quick as a flash he replied: 'A radio.' Garvey's total missing of the point of the programme was soon glossed over by the lovely Kirsty and a pair of nail clippers or somesuch was hastily requested instead.

7/8 of Mr. Elbow's selections, however, all paled into insignificance compared to this beautiful song from Tom Waits. The line 'I'm gonna love you till the wheels come off' is, quite simply, perfect.

Room for Two

Not since Roy Plomley (right) cast Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais adrift in 1979 have two new residents washed up ashore together on the BBC's Desert Island.

It was only to be expected that Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelley would be a twofer when Kirsty Young chucked her next victims overboard. I like Ant and Dec. What's not to like? A few years ago they were asked to make a tribute to The Likely Lads; it was written by Clement and La Frenais and I thought they made a decent fist of it. And Rodney Bewes makes a cameo appearance as the newspaper vendor.