As a young Frank Sinatra once said: 'It's nice to go trav'ling, but it's so much nicer to come home.' After a few days in Bonnie Scotland, with a night in Berwick-on-Tweed thrown in for good measure, it's back to life, back to reality.
So, what have we learned?
1. Keep 'em peeled on the A1 - there's a killer on the loose.
2. The Barrels in Berwick keeps a magnificent pint of Jarl .
3. In said hostelry I learned that the door of No.10 Downing St has 6 panels.
4. And that the Paramount Pictures logo is surrounded by 22 stars.
5. Ray, my cousin, doesn't have anything on his iPod recorded after the 70s. 'Music died the day John Lennon was gunned down' he laments. Cue this framed photo, again from The Barrels.
6. Margorie McCall lived once, but was buried twice: True Story!7. Currie's and Kebab's (sic) are wrong on so many levels.
8. I don't do gardens. But then I saw Drummond. Quite stunning.
9. Jack, my first cousin once removed, should be on the stage: he kept us entertained for the whole holiday. Can I have my hat back, Jack?
10. The walrus was not Paul. It's Ray. I have the picture to prove it.
John Otway: I Am The Walrus