Tuesday 27 March 2018

Son Of My Father

The father of two close friends of mine (brothers) died suddenly last week. It’s the first immediate family loss they’ve had to deal with, and they’re taking it hard; it's understandable - the death of someone so pivotal in your life will always knock you off your perch.

We all deal with bereavement in our own way – there is no right or wrong way. Just your way. But no matter how you choose to handle the fall out and the very fact that that person is no longer around, it’s vital that the memories you retain accurately reflect the deceased. Keep the latest revision, or at least one that you’re comfortable with, and file it in your emotional hard drive where it can be retrieved easily and without (too much) pain. Bloody hell, I sound like a counsellor.

Loudon Wainwright has built a career on writing songs about his family. This is one he wrote just after his dad left the building for the last time.

For M & T


  1. Lovely (and wise) words John, especially "keep the latest revision, or at least the one that you're comfortable with, and file it in your emotional hard drive where it can be retrieved easily..."

    I am struggling at the moment with having made a reconnection to my father in the most ridiculous and horrible circumstances, in which I have very little respect for him and I'm annoyed and exasperated at the situation he's got himself into. But I am painfully aware that he probably won't be around that much longer in the scheme of things and that I'm going to have to ensure I feel neither bitterness nor personal regret when that day comes. A toughie.

    1. C - I won't delve, obviously, but it sounds like one helluva mess. I don't envy you, but I know you'll steer a path thru it and come out the other side.

      You can tell I'm not cut out for this sort of stuff, can't you? Wing it. That's probably the only way. It's how I deal with most swerve balls that come my way. And I go to the pub. J x

    2. Thanks John, lovely wise words again and yes definitely winging it at the moment. Only time will tell how things pan out but I'm being quite selfish really and making sure to look after myself above all else through all this. Altruism can only go so far! Thanks again x

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