Wednesday 16 March 2016

Tales from the greasy spoon

Poached egg on toast with beans? No problem!
Beans on toast with poached egg? No!
'Beans on toast and a poached egg on the top please' I said, cheerfully, to flossy behind the counter. A look of confusion stared back at me. 'Beans on toast with a poached egg on top?' she replied. Her brow was now furrowed. Something was wrong. I could tell. 'That’s right' I said. I was trying to remain cheerful. 'We can’t do beans on toast with a poached egg on top.' I was deflated. 'But,' she went on, 'We can do poached egg on toast with beans on the side.' She was being serious. Deadly serious. I was looking for Jeremy Beadle. And Noel Edmonds. 'I suppose that’ll have to do I said.' The greasy spoon is dead. Long live the greasy spoon.


  1. Reminds me of the time I was on holiday with the folks in 1970 or thereabouts. We were in a greasy spoon and Dad asked me what I wanted for lunch. 'Beans and chips' I said. The waitress came over to take our order. Dad ordered for himself and Mum then pointed to me and said '...and beans and chips for him'. The waitress didn't bat an eyelid. 'I'm sorry, we only do sausage, beans and chips'. 'He doesn't want a sausage though' replied Dad. 'I'm afraid we only do beans and chips with a sausage' she said. 'He just wants beans and chips' said Dad, a bit louder and going slightly red in the face. 'Well what are we supposed to do with the sausage?' asked the waitress. 'I don't know. You can give it to the cat for all I care,' said Dad, Mum tugging at his sleeve to keep him from going ballistic, 'he just wants beans and chips......'.
    Dad and I laughed about that exchange every so often for the next 35 years, but at the time I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

  2. Must be something to do with health and safety.

  3. I fondly recall ordering a breakfast omelette and chips on holiday in that foreign once and receiving a hearty egg-based confection with chips poking out of it as if it were a cartoon representation of bangers and mash.