Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

I listened to an old Desert Island Discs the other day - Kirsty Young was talking to Johnny Vegas back in 2010. He'll be the first to tell you he's been through the wringer - not for nothing does he talk about Johnny in the third person; the character he invented for himself after realising he couldn't earn a living mending teapots turned on him and, very nearly, destroyed him.

He chose this beautifully tragic Colin Hay song as one of his treasured eight discs. And who hasn't experienced the same sentiment at some point in their life?

Colin Hay - Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

Shanghai'd

When it comes to impressions I'm about as good as Mike Yarwood. No matter who Yarwood did it was always a halfway house between Eddie Waring and Robin Day.

But I do derive a lot of pleasure from saying 'She's not me mam, she's my PA' in an out of breath stab at Johnny Vegas. That and shouting 'Tower of Power' in a generic Northern Irish accent. I tend to do both of these while parked up at traffic lights.

And I now have a third to complete my trilogy. Apropos of nothing I will just blurt out 'Shanghai' in a William Hague voice and spread it out over at least half a dozen syllables.

Childish, I know. But as John Lennon once said, whatever gets you through the night.